My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
