Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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