can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
