She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
