He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
