my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
