Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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