I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
