.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
