I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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