so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
