I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
