remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
