Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
