I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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