My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
