I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
