My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
