I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I need water and some morals
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
