your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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