Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
