i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
