She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
third nipple confirmed
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
