3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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