I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
