my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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