how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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