that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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