Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
