im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
