whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
