i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I want her autograph on my taint
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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