In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
