Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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