At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
