Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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