Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
