so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
