We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
