Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
