I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
