fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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