Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
