So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
