hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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