If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I see more hoeing in ur future
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