ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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