is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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