This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
