Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She announced her abortion via fbk
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
