I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
