BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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