He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
