Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She bit a glass in half.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
