she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
