i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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