I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
