and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize