I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dignity is for republicans.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
