omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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