; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
