He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
