what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
