I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Randomize
