dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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