I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
