Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
