What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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