It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
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They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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