I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
