i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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