is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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