I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you win again, gameday.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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