so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
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No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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